The Most Important Relationship

This weekend is my sister's bridal shower.

This means I will be surrounded by thirty flighty broads who down champagne to distract themselves from the ticking of their biological clocks.

Now, maybe we must wait for the wedding for the bouquet to be tossed, but these ladies are already clamoring to be the next to wed. I can already imagine their mental checklist as they set their overly highlighted hair each morning with cheap velcro rollers...

--Spray tan? Check
--White dress picked out? Check
--Bridesmaids chosen? Check
--Honeymoon destination? Check
--Children's names selected? Check (Bill and Mitsy!)
--Perfect man? Uh oh. Sh**, I knew there was something I'd left out!

So they paint their claws in rosy hues to hide their lethal inclinations to scratch, and hit the bars to find Mr. Right. Or scour the gym for Mr. Macho. Or hit on their professors for Mr....well, for straight A's, I guess.
Teeth are bleached till they glow in the dark, perfume is rolled through to mask the stench of desperation, and superfluous hairs are mercilessly torn from their hidey-holes like gophers drawn into the gnashing blades of a lawnmower.

But as these young women's opportunities fade into nonexistence like the dim withering of their minute eggs, they are left with only themselves at the end of the day. Feeling defeated and alone, they drag themselves to their bathroom mirrors and postulate that they will die old maids with an impressive number of cats.

This is when their real opportunity emerges, however, if even they do not see it. For when they are stripped of visions of sugarplum weddings and acrylic nail sets, they are forced to look into themselves. They might choose to shudder and hastily go to bed before they must confront their demons. But they might also choose to treat themselves kindly and find new and better meaning in their lives. For only when a woman loves herself can she give herself fully to another. So the most compassionate of these damsels lays aside her amorous pursuits, for a while, in favor of a new pursuit--that of harmony with herself.

For as my dearest bosom friend and I were advised lately, "men's hearts are easily stolen." But holding yourself dearly within your own--well, it's sweeter than red velvet wedding cake.

Giving Up My Gold

Somewhere between ripping out an ad for zombie sculptures in Sky Mall and enjoying a spoonful of strawberry Rice Dream I realized how much I miss you all.

I haven't been ready to really feel my sadness yet. It can be exhausting, and to a nervous insomniac energy is gold. But the longer I go without hearing your voice the more I imagine I am with you all...doing asymmetrical, klutzy things that are characteristic of my nature but that never have actually happened the way I describe.

Like brushing my elbow across your shoulder when I prop myself up on your bed to check the time.
Like re-humming the same sequence of notes in a song five times in your presence because I want to prove that it was indeed a sixth, not a fifth, that we heard.
Like linking together so many Sour Keys that a ladder is born, infinitesimally scaled and powdered with pink and orange crystals.
Like watching moonlight reflect in it's unsure way in the stuttered breath of the ocean. Without observing any cliches.

Time is slower when I inhale the scent of chamomile without you beside me.
Ghosts of laughter press their faces against the glass when I unsteadily trace the curves of your signature...we would never have done this as solemn-faced as I am now.

Je vous manques.

"Nothing Takes the Taste out of Peanut Butter Like Unrequited Love," --Charlie Brown

Hi Lovelies.
(Although I am pretty sure there is only one Lovely reading this c: )

Tonight has been of the more painful in my recent weeks.
It didn't start badly...I was making an Iron Chef-esque video with my Canadian boy-friends J and D...we called it "Kosher Cook-off." Fun. Many cakes were baked, decorated, and delivered into the eager, tickled hands of unsuspecting friends we felt could use a little surprise.

Then it happened.

I instigated a conversation with him.
He, the one I fell for four years ago and have not been able to get over since.
Of course, the conversation itself was not unsusual.
It all lay in the words we exchanged.

He said something...something which made me feel, more-so than at any point in the past four years, that he feels something for me. You know what I mean, something.

I laughed, I rubbed my bleary, weary eyes in disbelief. I burst into tears as he continued.
He didn't say much, but he said it.

I replied, perhaps exposed my emotions more obviously than did he.
No reply.
He ignored me, remained silent, and was gone.

All I can do is weep and listen to Feist's song, "Brandy Alexander."
Eerily accurate.

Why? How does this happen? Will he ever honestly love me back? Would he ever even be able to clearly tell me? I am so befuddled; I am so vulnerable, I want to creep away and hide from the approaching day.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VMGq_6GouyI

I will attempt to be more eloquent tomorrow, I have nearly 48 hours of wakefulness going against me now.

Love,
Ilana

Shadow or Chance? (Ruling Out Sassy)

Meet Rainer.
He knows what's up.
Why does he have to be at home in California when I am in Canada?
You can see the longing in his eyes.
He wants to come visit me, Homeward Bound style.
I can picture him getting trapped in a mud hole, and then hobbling over the hill to me at the end, with a man's voice-over whispering "Peter!" as he leaps into my arms.
(If you haven't seen and cried at Sassy, Shadow, and Chance and their amazing adventure in Homeward Bound, then you should probably do so now. Or just die.)

Let There Be...

Light!

I took this on Gabriola Island, just north of Vancouver Island, where I presently live.

I honestly did not enhance the sunlight in this shot, I just happened to be in the right place at the right time. And I love how the steam is rising out of the log...

A most literal manifestation of the mantra, here.

Of course, we don't usually see the rays of light as they sift down upon us. But what we don't usually take the time to realize is that the light is always there. Every time you step outside, every time you look up at the sky, down at your shoes, watch the stars, or cry at those Sarah McLachlan Humane Society commercials.....light, like this, is illuminating everything around you.

Whether or not we see it.

Body Shop Addict

Me: Hi everyone. My name's Ilana and I am a Body Shop-aholic.
Group in unison: Hi Ilana

Okay, so maybe there isn't a 12-step program for this type of affliction, or even a 4-step.
But I am addicted nonetheless.

Now, this is a much healthier, classier, tasteful addiction than one to...say, black-tar heroin and peach Schnapps? And, of course, there is no rehab--only an ever-increasing collection of product on my dorm-room shelf.

Let's review the reasons we should all revere The Body Shop:
a. they do not test on animals
b. they support community, fair-trade materials sourced from all over the world
c. they encourage the notion that beauty comes from within
d. they select sustainable materials
e. they are careful to adhere to all international Human Rights Standards

f. they raise awareness and contribute to research regarding climate change
g. they strive to be energy efficient

Okay, all my hippie fluff aside, the part of me that expects the highest standards from anything I put on my skin is overjoyed with the quality of their products. I honestly do care about the aforementioned issues. But I will not lie--if their products were not completely fab I would not endorse them!

Here are some of my newest faves:


Seaweed Mattifying Day Cream
Balances combination skin, reduces shine, smells fresh!


Hemp Hand Protector
Contains crushed hemp seeds for amazing moisture. Particularly useful in winter to avoid chapped, dry skin. Never a good look.


Lip Gloss Dot (in Candy Pink and Soft Plum)
What I love about these little babies is that they are non-sticky, smell/taste fruity, and can be layered to look as soft/bright as you wish.
Note: Candy Pink is actually quite natural looking, perfect for fairer skin.

See, Reflect, Glow

Jewish. Vegan. Stylish. Activist. Feminine. Hippie. Chic.
Lovely to meet you!
I'm sure no one believes that one individual can represent all these titles. How many times have you seen a clean, yet earthy, young woman wearing a Magen David (star of David) pendant as she retrieves her soy latte from Starbucks in her Banana Republic boots?
Probably less often than you've read a tabloid that DIDN'T display Britney's Britney on the cover.
Of course, I don't mean to portray myself as some faultless, eclectic creation. I am also stubborn, impatient, often too loud, high-strung, and overly idealistic.
I'm simply trying to introduce the subjects about which I am passionate. In this blog, I hope to spread and share my enthusiasm for all the great loves of my life, be they:
*the art of owning your femininity in today's society
*the benefits veganism has on your body, your conscience, your planet
*world issues and the most effective ways of letting your voice be heard
*beauty finds you'll go nuts over
*clothes, and the joys of creating the perfect ensemble
*practicing peace and love, sans the dreadlocks and Berkinstocks (ew)
*spirituality and connection to Judaism
Above all, my vision is to see, reflect and radiate the light and beauty that exists in all aspects of life. When we are connected and open to the joy that lies in all we see and do, our bodies, minds, and lives reflect that glow.
And what girl doesn't want to glow?
Shalom,
Ilana