Sunday, February 8, 2009

"Nothing Takes the Taste out of Peanut Butter Like Unrequited Love," --Charlie Brown

Hi Lovelies.
(Although I am pretty sure there is only one Lovely reading this c: )

Tonight has been of the more painful in my recent weeks.
It didn't start badly...I was making an Iron Chef-esque video with my Canadian boy-friends J and D...we called it "Kosher Cook-off." Fun. Many cakes were baked, decorated, and delivered into the eager, tickled hands of unsuspecting friends we felt could use a little surprise.

Then it happened.

I instigated a conversation with him.
He, the one I fell for four years ago and have not been able to get over since.
Of course, the conversation itself was not unsusual.
It all lay in the words we exchanged.

He said something...something which made me feel, more-so than at any point in the past four years, that he feels something for me. You know what I mean, something.

I laughed, I rubbed my bleary, weary eyes in disbelief. I burst into tears as he continued.
He didn't say much, but he said it.

I replied, perhaps exposed my emotions more obviously than did he.
No reply.
He ignored me, remained silent, and was gone.

All I can do is weep and listen to Feist's song, "Brandy Alexander."
Eerily accurate.

Why? How does this happen? Will he ever honestly love me back? Would he ever even be able to clearly tell me? I am so befuddled; I am so vulnerable, I want to creep away and hide from the approaching day.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VMGq_6GouyI

I will attempt to be more eloquent tomorrow, I have nearly 48 hours of wakefulness going against me now.

Love,
Ilana

2 comments:

  1. This love is so unrequited, SO epic, so Carrie and Big, so unbelievably movie-appropriate. Which all really sucks for you... I am sorry about your evening and about this never-ending saga. All that is good about this is that it surely makes you feel more alive than ever before.
    You are learning and maturing so much from this, and the pain and confusion it brings you will only make the inevitable passionate-kiss-in-the-rain that much more cathartic.
    I have so much hope for all of this.

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  2. YOU are the love of my life! Thank you. And thanks for reminding me to use "cathartic" in speech more often.

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